8 In LGBTQ+

My Coming Out Story

Breaking the News

I came out to my family on Christmas Eve. My mom had suspected something was up for months, and despite asking me multiple times if I was gay, I denied it. I wasn’t ready to speak my truth. That is until Christmas Eve. Moments before the family was about to sit down for dinner, I spilled the beans and proclaimed my sexual identity. I don’t even remember what my mom had asked me, but my answer was: “It’s because I’m a lesbian!” Well okkkkkay then. I’m not sure why THEN, or in THAT way, I just remember being so tired of hiding it for so long that I think it just erupted out. No one really said much over the first few bites of dinner. There was awkward silence and silverware clanging on plates. Then my little sister realized her beloved cat was missing. BLESS HER.

The focus quickly shifted from the newly lesbian daughter to the missing cat and we all abandoned our Christmas ham in search of my feline martyr.

The cat hunt gave us all time to digest what had just happened and although I was afraid of what my parents were going to say when they finally processed everything, I remember feeling like this IMMEDIATE weight had lifted off my shoulders. I DID IT. I did what I never thought I would EVER have the courage to do. I came out to my family and I.FELT.GREAT! And for those of you wondering, we did find the cat🐱Ironically enough, the cat was found IN the closet. You can’t make this shit up.

Work To Be Done

I wish I could say that after I came out to my family everything was great and everyone was on board- but that wasn’t the case. My sister who was there that night, who was also surprised by the news, fiercely stood by me through everything. She helped me remember to honor myself and brought much needed laughter during some of the darker times. My step-dad and other siblings were also very accepting and open right off the bat. But my mom struggled. She had imagined a different life for me and with this news she felt her dreams for me came crashing down. I never doubted that she loved me, but I struggled to understand why she couldn’t just be okay with it. I struggled to understand why it was so hard FOR HER.

Then I realized something- before coming out, I had spent three to four years battling with the fact that I was gay. YEARS. And here I was expecting her to be on board within a week.

She needed time to process what this meant for me and time to reshape her dreams for my future. My mom recently told me that after I came out, she was in mourning for two years and would cry at the drop of a hat. It took her FIVE YEARS before she was even able to even talk about it openly with her friends. Eventually, she came around. I continued to fight for what felt right to me, and she continued to seek understanding. It took time. It was by no means an easy road for either of us to finally get to where we are today. There were a lot of ups and downs. Tears and hurt.

Following Your Heart

Coming out takes a lot of courage. And sometimes when people don’t react the way we wish that they would, we are devastated and want to write them off. But sometimes, people just need time. And as hard as that can be to accept, all you can do is continue to fight for your own truth while they figure it out. Ultimately, only you can decide who is deserving of that patience and who isn’t. All you can do is be you. Just know, there is a MASSIVE community ready to welcome you with open arms on the other side of the rainbow.

What’s YOUR coming out story? Or is it a story yet to be written? I always love hearing about other people’s experiences, so if you feel inclined, share it with me in the comments!

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8 Comments

  • Reply
    Karen
    September 12, 2018 at 10:34 pm

    What an inspiring story.

  • Reply
    Becky
    September 12, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    What an inspiring and hilarious story! Thanks for sharing!

  • Reply
    TASHIYO
    October 22, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    i too scared to come out. maybe one day. it gives me hope.

  • Reply
    Milinda
    October 23, 2018 at 9:02 am

    Such a great story! You are incredible, girl! xoxo

  • Reply
    Michelle
    October 28, 2018 at 3:24 pm

    I’ve been so excited for your blog and I’m loving it!

    My coming out story echoes yours in many ways. I moved across the country for college in an attempt to hide my gayness from my family. Turns out that can only last so long, trying to live a double life is painful and exhausting. Besides, you can only hear, “Do you have any special boys in your life?” so many times before you want tattoo LESBIAN on your forehead, amirite? I first came out to my siblings; when I told my sister, she was caught off guard but eventually realized I was the same person as before. When I told my brother, he said “Ok….but what do you want to eat for dinner?” I don’t think he knows that this was the most perfect thing he could have said. They became my biggest allies and support system for building up the courage to tell my religious Mexican mother and small town conservative dad. I was 27, in a committed six year relationship and a boss bitch…I was terrified. I flew home for a weekend specifically to come out to my parents, there was no turning back. I sat across from them, took a deep breath and immediately started ugly crying. When I finally choked out that I was gay my mom proclaimed that she knew it and my dad handed me a beer, saying that must have been hard. We spent a couple of awkward hours together, not really talking about what I said but they both told me they loved me when I left. I returned home thinking that I could start building a new and hopefully deeper connection with my parents. This is when the story gets a little crazy so buckle in. Three days after coming out to my parents, the house that they have been living in for over 30 years is struck by lightning and burns down. I shit you not. Some may call it a freak and coincidental act of nature, others (my mother) may call it god smiting them for having a gay daughter. Either way, you could say it added an extra strain on our relationship. My mom and I didn’t speak for months, she refused to answer my calls and my dad’s idea of acceptance was to ignore anything that had to do with me being gay. After many family fights, where my sister and brother were always in corner, I can confidently say that I’m finally on the right track with my parents. Four years after coming out, my girlfriend and I are going to spend the holidays with my family for the first time. I’m excited, nervous and hopeful for the future. And in case anyone was worried, insurance paid for my parents to have a brand new house built! So if it was really my fault then all I have to say it, you’re welcome for the new house, and in the words of Oscar from The Office “Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay”.

    • Reply
      Raff
      October 29, 2018 at 9:25 pm

      WOW WOW WOW!! This is such an incredible coming out story- I can’t even believe it! I’m so glad everyone survived the lightning and that your parents got a new house out of the deal! I wish you guys all the best this holiday season- let me know how it goes!

  • Reply
    Josiris
    January 7, 2019 at 6:22 am

    Hi Raff! I love following your IG account and finally made it over to your blog! I married my incredible wife, Val, on October 20, 2018! It was a beautiful day with the support of both our families. However, my coming out story is painful.

    When I was 17 and just barely into my freshman year of college, my mom found a note from my gf at the time. She confronted me about it and told me that whatever was going on better not be what she thought it was. I remember telling my mom that it was exactly what she thought–and that I was a lesbian. We exchanged some horrible words and my mom ended the conversation by telling me she wished she hadn’t brought me into this world. I remember how much pain we both were in and that neither of us would forget the terrible things we said. It was my dad’s birthday and he was already in bed. My mom woke him to tell him the news. Apparently, he was shocked but couldn’t process it right away so he went back to sleep. The next 2 years would be a battle. My mom insisted I see a therapist, a priest, and even had my testosterone levels checked. It seemed absurd. My parents had gay friends and even though they are Catholic, I didn’t expect them to react so badly. I finally put my foot down and told them they had to figure out how to deal with it or they wouldn’t be a part of my life.

    Today, my parents are so supportive and they love my wife. They helped pay for part of the wedding. It’s hard to believe that they were once so resistant.

    Thanks for taking the time to hear my coming out story.

  • Reply
    foloren torium
    January 17, 2019 at 4:31 pm

    Just a smiling visitant here to share the love (:, btw great pattern. “He profits most who serves best.” by Arthur F. Sheldon.

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